A Candle Lit by Spark into a Flame
Have you ever seen how a candle is lit? A small spark can create the brightest flame in the dark, and as it burns slowly through time, it usually leaves a mark. Just as the flame on a candle leaves its mark, I too strive to leave my own mark.
My small flame began when the clock struck exactly at 7:31 pm on the night of May 14, 2005, in San Mateo, Isabela. After my baptism, I was told that I was immediately taken to where the hustle and bustle of high energy resided. Most of my infant years, I was in Manila, but we often came to the province and stayed as much as we could.
Growing up, I really felt loved, but life wouldn’t stand still. It would take a whole month of planning before all of us could manage to be together for a single meal, given the distance we had to travel.
My early school years were in Manila. However, I was told that a child should be able to roam free and be a child, so I was moved back to San Mateo. Honestly, back then, school was not my priority, because my family did not put too much stress on education. However, as time passed, I learned to love it. I found something in the concept that I really enjoyed: going to school and learning. I remember a funny story, and a sudden hint is why I am really fond of cows. It was a morning recess, and the back gate of our school was connected to the oval ground, which is quadruple the size of our school and was usually used as a grazing field where cows eat grass for free. I wandered into the open field when I saw countless cows eating, and all I remember from that is I came home with a cow. I was a pretty hard-headed child, and I begged, literally, to own that very same cow and maybe I would still be with Joy (the cow), even up until now, but life had different plans.
As the years grew, so did I. I found friendships that have lasted up until today.
It is true what they say: you’ll learn through time. In my junior high school years, I learned quite a lot, both good and bad things. In high school, I learned to do polkas, and I discovered that I really love doing creative things, whether it be dancing or singing. Admittedly, I do not please the crowd much, but regardless, I love music, drawing, coloring, and designing. This is where I honed my interest in fashion, in runway, and ultimately became an engaged person in designing. Around this time, I also started exploring my culture and the world of literature. I came to love books, especially those about history, by Charles Darwin, and the theories and tragedies of Shakespeare. I loved this phase.
Honestly, I grew quite a lot in my junior years, immensely because of the countless ongoing and multifaceted pieces of my everyday life. Each day felt like a journey. By the time I reached Grade 10, I had already learned almost half of what I know and can do now.
On January 10, 2020, I can still vividly remember when my sister and her children were abandoned by her ungrateful husband. All of us were devastated. In hopes of leaving that chapter behind, she closed its doors and returned to opportunities in Manila. She and her children were bound to go, in my good conscience. At first, I didn’t want her to be all alone, so we moved back to Manila.
Amidst the COVID-19 pandemic, we were restless and a bit taken aback by what was happening during those times. We were once again called to come home, and from cycle after cycle, our household faced yet another painful moment when we lost another mother, the person who took care of us, the twin siblings, after our parent passed away. She was mostly the person we had been with, then came after our mother, who was threatened and had, by far, the most severe type of COVID. It was during the grueling months when I saw firsthand the border between life and death. It was heart-shattering.
At those moments, all I could do was pray, not knowing what tomorrow may bring. Alas, by my same birth date of year 2023, our mother was released after battling COVID-19. We finally got to be discharged—prayers answered, making me the happiest. Yet, the same blend of happiness combined with another form of heartache plagues me.
At school, I poured everything I could into plans, outings, and every reason to achieve honor at the highest; it was blood, sweat, and tears. The thought of receiving an award I worked hard for was completely shattered when I was asked to distribute it, because someone who didn’t know my efforts wanted to uphold a whole batch as “the cream of the crop.” It was heartbreaking. I never aspired for that, and I questioned not even the director but blamed myself instead. Then, I realized life has its reasons. A downfall may, in my eyes, be the reason for my success. However, maybe because I never really got the chance to tell my parents what really happened kept me afraid, and maybe that’s why I developed anxiety and insomnia. The fear of not measuring up confuses and eats me. That’s why I was late and wasn’t able to file scholarships for the schools I aimed for after senior high school.
For college, I applied to various schools that were still open for admissions. Another aspect was financial capabilities. Back to the COVID story, our mother closed the rest of the doorsteps, our boundaries and pride lowered, to ensure we made it to college, even if unceasing. We sat down to attend state universities, and so at that time, Cauayan Campus was the only open slot by some miracle. I got in for an examination, then for an interview, and now I never regretted coming here.
In recent years, at ISU-Cauayan Campus, I have never regretted this decision. In fact, here I found people who felt like home, who continually teach me a lot of uncommon things. Their countless teachings on various languages—like my attempt to speak in Ilocano—even today they still do so. On that note, I also found people whom I can very much relate to, especially those I met through leadership activities. The work of leadership, which I developed through years of participating and absorbing as many skills as I could, goes hand in hand with my academic journey.
Simultaneously with academics and leadership work, my life story is far from over. Just like a candle lit by flame and time, the night has arrived, but the darkness lingers at bay.